Into Me See: Intimacy In Friendships

Friendships are a source of both joy and heartache.  

Women have a greater need for friendships than men do.  Our friendships run deeper.  Men like to “do things” with friends.  Women want to “know things” about each other.  We like to do things together too, like shopping, but we want to talk while doing it!

Girls are naturally drawn to each other.  A girl’s first experience with heartache may have been over a lost “best friend” rather than a “boyfriend.”  When friendships are lost, women grieve.

We do not just grieve for the friendship but also for the secrets shared, the trust given, and the acceptance enjoyed.  If betrayed, the pain runs deep.  No one can cause you more harm than someone you have trusted in deeply.  

Your best friend in school knows who you are afraid of and who you secretly like.  She knows you still keep your Barbies in your room, and you cried for a week when you found out Bono was married.   She knows your Mom drinks, and you stole those new earrings your wearing…

The “you” you are willing to let the world see. We hide behind our masks, thinking we are better off, but we lose so much.  If no one knows I’m struggling, I deny them the chance to minister to me and keep me accountable.  I lose the good advice of mature Christians, not to mention their prayers.  

How it started and however it was reinforced, we want to look at how we can take the mask off and start to be real.

We don’t want to risk letting people see the bad stuff.  If we allow people to see just the good stuff – if we never let them see the bad – we will be accepted and enjoy friendships.  

If you are being accepted by people because of the false front you present – then deep down, you know it is only the false front being accepted. The real you will remain terribly alone, and you know it.  That is why so many women we see as “picture perfect” struggle with deep insecurities.  They long for intimacy in friendships but are afraid to show who they really are.

How Do We Start To Remove The Mask?

Before we can allow others to see inside of us, we have to accept who we are.  If we are not comfortable with who we are on the inside, we will always hide behind walls. 

When I became a Christian and started following Jesus, my eyes were spiritually opened. I was all at once deeply ashamed but completely accepted. I was amazed that God would love and accept me, just as I am. 

God loved me before I ever loved Him.  He is the one who initiated our relationship.  God did not wait for me to clean up my act so He could love me.  I was a rotten person with all kinds of bad habits!

If we can learn to live our life through our Father’s eyes, we will accept ourselves as imperfect people.  We will learn to accept others as imperfect people too.  We will be able to take off our masks and allow others to do the same.

Into Me See = Intimacy In Friendships

Intimacy is about allowing others to truly see inside us. It’s about letting go of the fear of rejection and practicing vulnerability. It’s the key to forming deep, meaningful relationships.

Transparency And Acceptance

How do you respond to people who are being transparent?  People who are letting it all hang out, with no pretenses or masks?  Do you see the negatives and immediately judge them?  Do you find yourself secretly wishing that they would put a mask on?  

Honestly, I have thought that!  Sometimes it’s easier to pretend everything is perfect, but intimacy in friendships requires that we embrace each other's flaws with grace, just as God does with us.  

Next time someone comes to you with their heart on their sleeve, try to see them through God’s eyes. Accept them, love them, and appreciate the courage it takes to be transparent. This kind of acceptance fosters intimacy in friendships and deepens the bond between us.

Loving Yourself And Others

Once you learn to love others in their vulnerability, it’s time to look at yourself. Stand in front of a mirror, and don’t compare yourself to others. Instead, love yourself the way God does—imperfections and all.

Loving yourself is the first step in creating authentic relationships where intimacy in friendships can flourish. You can’t offer what you don’t have, so accept yourself and you’ll find it easier to accept others.

What If A friend Hurts You?

I have shared my insecurities with people who, in turn, used them against me.  I have shared my dreams with people and been made fun of.  I have reached out in friendship only to be rejected completely. 

I won’t lie.  It hurts. 

But for every time that I have been hurt, I have a longer list of times that I have been blessed.  I have made friends I would never have imagined.  I have been amazed to see God use my testimony to give another woman hope.

The Beauty Of Selective Intimacy

It’s important to recognize that intimacy in friendships isn’t meant for everyone. We need wisdom in choosing who we trust. Some friends are more like confidants, where deep sharing and vulnerability come naturally. Others might be people we enjoy spending time with but don’t open up to on an intimate level—and that’s okay.

Different Types Of Friendships

I have different kinds of friendships. Some go deep, where I can share anything without fear of judgment. Others are more surface-level, based on shared interests or values. Both types of friendships serve a purpose in my life, but the key is to experience intimacy with a few close friends.

Jesus. Your Very Best Friend

While human friendships will always be imperfect, there is one friendship that is unfailing. Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. He never betrays us or lets us down.

Jesus is the ultimate example of intimacy in friendships. He knows everything about us—our hopes, our fears, our struggles—and He still loves us unconditionally. He invites us into a relationship where we can know Him deeply and be fully known in return.

If you're interested, here is some information on how to become a Christian and develop a relationship with Jesus.

Grace and peace,

Alicia

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